Our Adoption Trail

Thank you

2010-11-11T13:39:00.002-07:00

On this day each year, we stop to formally thank those who have stood in the breech and defended this country.

Every Veteran is a hero. Thank you for your service.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-Lt. Col. John McCrae

And time goes by

2010-10-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at work right now. It's been forever since I even thought about what to write on here.

It seems the adoption process is going exactly nowhere. We thought about becoming a licensed Foster Care family, but that didn't go anywhere either. Missed contacts with the Licensing person resulted in loss of momentum and interest.

Now we look online every so often. It seems that apathy has taken the place of excitement. Maybe work and financial stress has caused us to stop for a while.

The certification is still in place. It will happen when it happens. We just nede to keep our spirits up.

Update

2010-07-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

The move to Wordpress has been aborted. Too many settings and setup for a simple blog.

Last week we were involved in a match meeting for a brother/sister sibling group. It didn't work. We were not chosen.

It is so easy and sterile to write a simple two sentence update, but that doesn't come anywhere near to the heartache, hope, fears and prayers that went into this potential match-up.

We are still looking, and will be broadening our search to include younger girls. Hopefully the Lord will show us the right person soon.

Ok...in summary.

2010-04-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

I guess it's bad taste to treat your blog like a Twitter or Facebook update. Every blog I read is usually full of agonizingly long soliloquies about life and stuff. And here I went and posted three short blurbs yesterday. Shame on me. Or not.

Here is the long wrap up from yesterday.

We arrived at a bowling alley in Tucson (actually Marana) yesterday morning at 9:15am. We checked in, got our name tags and started wandering around. About 9:30, the children started to arrive. At 9:45, the prospective parents met and went over some ground rules for the event. Total confidentiality. Do not talk about adoption to the kids. Do not favor one child over another. Have a good time.

If you've ever seen Speed Dating on TV, or even participated yourself, it is similar. Each child (or group of children) is assigned a bowling lane. Each parental group is assigned a lane to start from. You interact with the child/children in that lane for about 10 minutes and then rotate to the next lane. That way everyone gets to meet everyone else, and you get to bowl. At least that's how it's supposed to work. Some of the kids want you to bowl with them, and then some of the younger ones just want you to watch while they bowl. You get to chat with them about superficial stuff, and interact on a casual level.

It is really heart-warming to watch what happens during the event. The kids are shy and nervous at the start, but about halfway through they are chatting with everyone and having a great time. After 2 hours of bowling, each child is given tokens and everyone moves to the arcade area for another hour or so of play.

After the event, the parents-to-be meet for a debriefing. We are each given a packet with info on each child, and a interest form. You look through the packet, read a short generic bio of each child, and write down the names of the ones you are interested in. This information is pared with your home-study info and passed along to the case worker for that child.

I also found out that the kids are asked who they liked, too. So you are being graded by them as well. Some of the older ones had notebooks and kept notes on each parent group they met.

If I could, I'd adopt them all. Foster care sucks. While it is necessary, it still is not pleasant.

GET INVOLVED! You have room in your home and heart for one (or more) of these children!

Fun Times

2010-04-24T15:39:00.001-07:00

Well, we had fun at the Match Party. We met several children that we are interested in learning more about, and we are waiting to hear back from the case workers.

Bowling Fun

2010-04-24T11:01:00.001-07:00

There is something cathartic about watching kids bowl. They do it with such abandon and fun.

Great match party.

Adoption Match Party

2010-04-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

Here we are at the Adoption Match event in Tucson. There are several prospective parents and a lot of kids. This should be a fun event.

Pray for us!

Is enough, enough?

2009-11-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Is there a point when you can't sustain the raised hopes any longer?

We received a call from our case worker today, and she said that the case worker for the child that was available was being "difficult" (my word), and our chances were somewhere between slim and none.

And, the Adopt US Kids website is not showing much in the way of children that meet our desires...which is probably a good thing overall, but a bit frustrating to us.

Yet still, we trudge ever onward.

Surprise!

2009-11-02T13:52:00.002-07:00

Well, we had about given up on Adoption. And then last week we were contacted by our case worker regarding a 2 month old girl that might be up for adoption.

So, the excitement is built back up again. We know that the odds are long against us, but we're praying!!!!

If at first you don't succeed...

2009-07-29T19:54:00.002-07:00

Well, since the well for adoption has dried up, we are going to start the process to become licensed as a Foster Care home. At least this way we can help out, and who knows. Something might work out.

Hey, did you hear the one about the...

2009-06-05T00:27:00.003-07:00

Nevermind. We are still in a waiting cycle. We went to the adoption party/event/thingee and had a blast. There were some children there that we were interested in, but they were boys. When we talked it over with Matt and Isaiah, they shot it down real quick. They want a big SISTER, and no boy will do.

So, still we wait. It will happen in God's appointed time, and nothing we do will make that change.

However, we'll keep you updated when things change.

Keep your chin up!

2009-04-16T19:29:00.001-07:00

Next week is an adoption party in Tucson. We are still in a waiting cycle. Some days we think about it, but most days we are in our work-home-bed routine.

Still waiting for that phone call!

Update

2009-03-07T21:41:00.002-07:00

We have had a couple of "hits" so far, but both were a wash. One girl decided she didn't want to be adopted, and the other one wasn't a good match with our two boys.

So the waiting continues. We strive to not get discouraged, but occasionally we end up a little down. Overall it's a good thing there are not more older children available for adoption, I guess.

"It Is Ordered that the above named applicant(s)...

2008-12-23T10:57:00.002-07:00

...is/are certified as acceptable to adopt children pursuant to the laws of the State of Arizona."

WE'RE APPROVED!!!

On Dec 8, 2008, our application for adoption was approved by the Arizona Superior Court system!

Now the real hunt begins. We are praying that the Lord shows his plan for us in this matter.

Merry Christmas! This is the best present we could have gotten!

I spoke way to soon...

2008-12-02T15:03:00.002-07:00

According to my last post, everything was supposed to go to the courts back in October. Not so fast.

After a number of "we need this form before we can proceed" delaying tactics, we finally completed our application packet to the satisification of all involved and it was FINALLY submitted to the courts two weeks ago.

And then we needed to hurry up and finish our photo book so that our case worker could show it to a couple of girls we might be interested in.

I want this done already. The people we went through the MAPP training with have all been cleared and are working with kids. This is killing us.

Please pray that there is nothing found amiss and that everything gets pushed through and we get approved before Christmas.

God Bless and keep praying for us. Merry Christmas

Dave & Yessika

Finally, some forward motion

2008-10-24T20:19:00.001-07:00

Well, thanks to the ultra slow pace that the Commonwealth of Virginia took in processing our background paperwork, it has taken over a month to get it back.

But, now it's back for both of us.

So, the Home Visit was supposed to be submitted to the court today. Now we wait for that process to work its magic.

We're hopefully, still!!!

Hello Wall? BANG BANG BANG

2008-08-25T12:21:00.002-07:00

Just after my last post, we received letters in the mail from the state of Arizona. Oh no.

Upon opening them, we found that the Commonwealth of Virginia (where we once lived) does not accept the standard interstate request for background info. Oh no, they have their own special little picky form. Nothing else will satisfy them.

So, we had to fill out new forms, get them notarized and sent back to the state so they could endorse them and forward them on to Virginia. And then we get to wait for them to respond and go back and forth.

I'm hoping to hear something by Christmas, at this point. Oh well. No one ever accused the government of being quick and efficient.

Until then, I will continue to bang my head against the wall.

In a Holding Pattern

2008-08-06T16:59:00.002-07:00

We are waiting for the background results to come back from another state we lived in. They seem to be doing it the old fashioned way...walking down a hall and looking through files by hand, or something. It's taking forever.

While we wait, we continue to look at children available for adoption. I came across this video today. It is a few months old, but it is interesting to watch.

Please keep us in your prayers while the wheels of bureaucracy continue to slowly grind along.

Update...

2008-07-14T11:56:00.002-07:00

Ok, according to our rep, the home plan has been submitted to the court. However, because we have lived in other states, the court requested that CPS searches be conducted in all states we've lived in. So, there is another couple of weeks gone waiting for those results. And then we find out that we need a specific release of confidentiality form for the Commonwealth of Virginia. We mailed that back to our rep today so hopefully that is the last of the paperwork for a while.

Also, one of the two girls we were tentatively looking at has decided she doesn't want to be adopted. Apparently she has done this type of thing before. So, we widen the scope of our search and see what else comes up.

God will let us know when it is time.

Pray for us.

Oh, the pain of waiting...

2008-07-03T18:51:00.002-07:00

Well, what's taking so long? We finished the classes like days ago already. C'mon! ;)

Actually, we talked with our licensing rep last week and she said she was finishing up the Home Study, and trying to find another reference, since some un-named individual didn't send back the one she mailed them. She was going to submit everything to her supervisor and once it was signed off, submit it to the court for approval.

Cross your fingers. We are looking at children on AdoptUSKids.org and getting really excited again.

Happy 4th of July to you all!!!!!

Class 10 or "We Did It!"

2008-06-19T21:12:00.004-07:00

Tonight was the last class in our PS-MAPP training. We all ate pot-luck and ran through the last of the training.

We touched on what to do about abuse allegations against us, and why they might be reported if they are false.

We tied all of our training together in some thought provoking question and answer sessions.

Then it was time to complete our course evaluations and receive our certificates! Hugs and good-byes all around. Email addresses and phone numbers exchanged and out the door toward home and the future.

Our next step is the completion of our Home Study and hopeful certification from the court for adoption! We are looking at the websites for available children.

The sad truth of it is that the same kids we were looking at in January are still there. This further strengthens our resolve. Every child should know someone loves them and is fighting for them.

Can we adopt them all? [WHACK!] Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have had that last cookie. I think the sugar is playing with my mind.

Please pray for us as we complete this phase of the program and continue on to the next. Our eyes have been opened by what we learned, but we are still committed to adoption.

Perspectives in Foster & Adoptive Parenting

2008-06-14T13:52:00.004-07:00

Class 9! One more week to go. This was a short class, too. We focused on partnership building and teamwork skills.

We went through a lot of the options and resources that are available. And, reinforced again how everyone should work together with a common goal in mind...the needs of the child.

We learned about communication and the three main parts of communication. What I didn't know was the percentages of information that is passed by each part.

Verbal communication accounts for 7% of information
Paraverbal (Written and otherwise) 38%
Nonberbal (body language) 55% of communication.

Wow. And the body language is the first thing a child learns. I guess mom was right when she used to talk to me about posture and how you stand when you talk, etc.

We learned about concurrent planning, how you might have Plan A as the goal, but you also have Plans B-J on the burner in case something doesn't work out with the first one. We also talked about permanency planning.

The closer we get, the more real it becomes. The bigger the butterflies become and the more we start in on the "What if's".

Also, our case worker was there to observe for a while, and she asked if we would consider two girls for placement, instead of one. It seems there are a couple of sibling groups that need placement. Not sure if we want to do that one. Still thinking and praying about that one.

Our homework this week is quite lengthly. We have a lot of strengths and needs items to go over, as well as scenario items to work through. Next week is the last class.

I'm not sure if the class has been a positive or a negative experience. It has sure opened our eyes to society and problems. One can dwell on the horror of it all, or assimilate it and keep on the sunny side.

Praise God and put on the emotional flak jackets. We're goin' in!

Understanding The Impact of Fostering or Adopting

2008-06-14T13:31:00.004-07:00

Getting ready to head out for Class 8 took a lot of preparation and soul-searching.

I have finally pin-pointed the problem I have with this series. It is written based on a secular society. There is only passing mention made to religion or spirituality. This is understandable since this is not a religious-based training.

However, there is a big hole in all the scenarios and lessons. The hill looks impossible to climb when you're on your own. But when you can lay the burden on God's shoulders, you can work it through together. I am not saying that "God will provide" should be your catch-phrase and reason for not trying, just that you have someone to call out to when you are at the end of your leash.

In Class 8, we working on dealing with the family as a system. I encountered, for the first time, a scenario where the birth children had issues with a foster child placed in their home. It was very eye-opening and left me at a loss. How do you handle a child who throws down the verbal gauntlet of "If you love me, you'll get rid of him/her!"?

The family system has five major characteristics: boundaries; rules; roles; power distribution among family members; and a communication process.

Do we have any three of these going on in our current family? Not too sure about that. Our boys are gung-ho at the thought of "getting" an older sister, but are they ready to deal with the baggage that might entail? We are lucky that we want a girl, since there will be no sharing of toys or rooms, etc. They should have their stuff and she will have hers.

However, this class forced us to focus on the energies that might pull us apart as a family and cause this whole process to fail. The one thing I'm counting on is our faith in God and his ability to work in hearts. As much as these scenarios throw a wrench at us, I am starting to feel like we can do this...now that we know what to expect.

Pray for us.

Where does time go?

2008-06-05T08:35:00.006-07:00

I can't believe it's Thursday again and I've neglected the keyboard all week. Well, I've been sick. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Yesterday we had our official home visit from the case worker. She went over the criteria we choose last time she was here, to see if we had any changes since we started taking the classes. I'm not sure. Do I have the strength to do this?

Last Thursday's class we covered two classes worth of material, to make up for the rained out class the week before. the further we go in this endeavor, the more distressing it becomes. It is really heartbreaking to read some of the sample case studies and what these children go through at the hands of their parents. What are we doing to our children?

Ok, here is the updates of classes and topics discussed:

Class 5 - Helping Children Learn to Manage Behaviors

This subject is tough for us. There is the urge to punish, but you can't. Discipline! Punishment is "a behavior designed to stop a behavior." Discipline is " training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior."

Punishment is the quick and dirty way, but Discipline produces long-term results!

We worked through the differences between RISK and SAFETY in Foster Care. Risk is the likelihood of long-term harm or mistreatment, while Safety deals with immediate issues.

An example would be the situation with the FLDS church kids in Texas. Texas CPS pulled those kids when the compound was raided. However, there was no Safety issue to justify the removal. There are Risk issues, yes, but nothing that would justify immediate action. Although I would prefer they err on the side of caution instead of Arizona, which seems to have a habit of leaving kids in bad situations until they are dead.

Mainly, we dealt with safety and care in the foster setting, and how that should help mitigate some of the behavior patterns in the children, at least to an extent.

Class 6: Helping Children with Birth Family Connection

This module is a bit hard to describe. It deals with self-concept, connections, identity and culture.

We learned the definitions of identity, self-concept, Connections, Culture, Race and Ethnicity. We worked at identifying and understanding cultural needs as well as ways to manage problems with family visits. This whole module is focused on dealing with interactions between the child and birth family and what it might entail.

Class 7: Gains and Losses: Helping Children Leave Foster Care

This module has been the hardest for me personally. We talked about children leaving the Foster Care program, either through adoption, return to parents, or Age-ing out of the system.

Unfortunately, the points of this class were hammered home through case histories and interviews with case workers and children that the system failed. They are classic stories of society failing. I took from this reading an idea of what NOT to do in the future. It was also interesting that they took one girl's story and contrasted it with the case worker's report. Wow.

Foster Parents have a big roll in transitioning children out of Foster Care, and how we fill that roll makes a big difference in how the children will function.

The homework was to read a case study and then a letter written by a adoptive family to friends telling how an adoption fell apart.

Again, do I have the strength to go on with this? Can I see this through?

What do you mean we have no Class?

2008-05-24T23:16:00.002-07:00

I felt like I was watching an old Rodney Dangerfield movie. One of the instructors had just called Yessika and told her that we had no class on Thursday night. This was a little over an hour before it was supposed to start.

It seems that God had blessed the Central Arizona region with copious amounts of rainfall, mixed with pea-sized hail and strong winds. Of course, being the desert, we had the obligatory full-on dust storm first, so the first drops of rain were similar to a mud bath.

It also seems that the storm had stalled over the office where we have our class. The instructor said that it was raining so hard the streets were flooding. So, we missed out. This adds another week to our training schedule. Oh well.

I need to sit down and write up what we went over in the last class as I find that I forgot to do that. Maybe tomorrow.

Helping With Attachments

2008-05-12T06:41:00.002-07:00

Thursday night we learned about dealing with attachments. Through examples and classwork, we learned that Attachment is the affectionate and emotional tie between people that continues indefinitely over time and lasts even when people are geographically apart.

If there is no attachment, there are several things that do NOT occur, according to research. The importance of attachment is that through it, a child learns to:

Develop a Conscience
Become Independent
Develop Future Relationships
Deal with Stress, Frustration, Fear and Worry
Think Logically
Grow and be Healthy

We learned the Four Healing Emotions; Anger, Sadness, Fear and Sorrow. Through examples, we tried to ascertain where certain sample children fall in this process. It was very eye-opening and disturbing at the same time.

We also worked on ways to develop positive attachments between parents and children.

So far in this process, the main thing we have learned is that a child in foster care is a complicated bundle of fear, anger, hurt and confusion, with most of them trying to hide it and be brave.

What are we doing to our children?

Losses and Gains

2008-05-03T19:32:00.002-07:00

Thursday we worked through understanding the loss and grieving processes children go through when they are removed from their home.

It doesn't matter if it is a safety issue or what, there is a shock and grief process.

Working with the case profiles in the material is heart-breaking. While I know that they are fictional, there are too many children in the system with the same issues and problems.

Pray for us, and for them!

Tuesday Morning Coming Down

2008-04-29T13:10:00.002-07:00

Since today is the last day of my weekend, I'm working on the profile homework we received in class. This is extensive. The personal profile for prospective father asks for a list of all people who lived with you through various phases of your life. Birth through 5, 6-11, 12-15, and 16 through leaving home. That's going to take some thinking about.

Class 3 (2 for us)

2008-04-26T19:44:00.003-07:00

Well, we attended our second class on Thursday night. It was very interesting. We will make up the information from the class we missed next week. We started looking at behavior patterns and signs of problems. We identified development issues on sample children, and had our eyes opened on the process.

We are still very much on-board for this, too!

Also, we went to see George Lopez last night (Friday). Woo-Hoo! It's been a wild two days now and we're going to spend Sunday recovering.

PS-MAPPing the way

2008-04-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

We attended our first training class yesterday. It was mainly an introduction to the course and Arizona specific information about the course.

We will miss next week's class as we have something else scheduled, but will be there for the one after that!

There's no time like the present

2008-04-05T20:10:00.003-07:00

Finally we finished the paperwork and with the appropriate copies and the fingerprint cards (we still hadn't mailed them back yet) it all went in to mail on Tuesday.

We start class on Thursday night. We are excited and expectant. We don't know what to expect, but we are ready to learn!!!!!

Holy Cow...

2008-03-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

We received a packet in the mail last week from Delores. She is the Certification Specialist assigned to work with us. In the envelope were the fingerprint cards and the application form.

Wednesday afternoon we went to Casa Grande and had our fingerprints taken. With completed cards firmly in hand, we are ready to send them off.

We are scheduled to attend a PS-MAPP class starting in April!

Home Visit

2008-02-20T19:27:00.001-07:00

We made contact with Catholic Social Services, via AzPAC. The case worker came and did a preliminary home visit and meet-up with us today. She asked us a lot of questions and requested copies of everything.

Should be interesting.

Oh boy...

2008-02-13T08:18:00.002-07:00

We are running in circles. Trying to get a list of PS-MAPP training classes in Maricopa county is like pulling teeth. Pinal county classes? Sure, here's the list. Maricopa county classes? Who's askin'? This is crazy.

Since it doesn't look like Yessika will be able to get her shift changed around for the upcoming classes, we will have to postpone the training until July, after we get back from Mexico, and while the boys are still down there on Summer vacation.

I'll keep you updated

Step Three...almost

2008-01-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

The next step in the process is filling out the application forms, but the agencies around here do it a bit differently. You start the state-mandated training and then, after the second or third meeting, they start the paperwork. I assume this is to weed out those who do the paperwork but aren't serious enough to take the training.

The training runs for 30 hours. 10 weeks of training, 3 hours a week. There are a couple of options available. Due to our schedules, we are going to do a night training, from 6-9pm. Luckily this is only one night a week. I would like to do the Saturday morning training, but schedule conflicts make that impossible.

Please pray for us that a couple of minor schedule conflicts will be worked out before we start training next month!

Step Two...sorta

2008-01-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

Last night (Thursday) was our Orientation to Adoption/Foster Parenting. It was originally scheduled to be held at a college in Apache Junction (East of Phoenix), but was changed to the training room for another agency.

We arrived at the address given and found that the facility was locked up. The facilitator was already there and on the phone trying to get someone to come back and unlock the building. No luck. So, we had our orientation meet in the dining room of the What-A-Burger fast food establishment next door.

It was interesting to learn the steps and processes and some of the stories of the kids (in generic terms). We came away from the meeting still eager to follow this thing through, and on a Coca-Cola buzz. Since when did "Large Soda" come in a 5-gallon bucket? Whew.

Step One

2008-01-11T19:57:00.002-07:00

We printed off the appropriate information pages from the State of Arizona websites and are determining what our next steps will be. At this point, I am praying for guidance. It is heartbreaking to look at the pictures of adoptable children online. Such potential waiting for someone to help them realize it.

Do we do it?

2008-01-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Is this the right thing? Do we really want another child? Is it in God's plan for us to have another child? Am I talking to myself?

I started on this journey during the Christmas music season. I was listening to a local Christian radio station and heard this wonderfully tear-jerking song about a boy's letter to Santa and all he wanted was a family.

Lately, everywhere I look, I see indicators pointing down this road. Listening on the radio I hear Focus On The Family do a show on it today and it really starts me thinking and praying for guidance on this endeavor.

Tonight after work, I started looking at adoption sites online and now I'm totally overwhelmed. Yessika has hinted that she would like to adopt another child for quite a while now. Oh, I figured out what that song was that set this whole thing in motion. It's called "All I Need," and it's by Steven Curtis Chapman. I found a video of it on YouTube.

He also has another song video on YouTube that directly speaks to the adoption issue.

So, now we study and pray for guidance. It is almost "sexy" lately to adopt a foreign child, but there are 140,000+ children in the US Foster Child system that need homes too.

My heart goes out to these "local" children who are almost forgotten in a foster program never designed to hold so many for so long.