Class 10 or "We Did It!"

Tonight was the last class in our PS-MAPP training. We all ate pot-luck and ran through the last of the training.

We touched on what to do about abuse allegations against us, and why they might be reported if they are false.

We tied all of our training together in some thought provoking question and answer sessions.

Then it was time to complete our course evaluations and receive our certificates! Hugs and good-byes all around. Email addresses and phone numbers exchanged and out the door toward home and the future.

Our next step is the completion of our Home Study and hopeful certification from the court for adoption! We are looking at the websites for available children.

The sad truth of it is that the same kids we were looking at in January are still there. This further strengthens our resolve. Every child should know someone loves them and is fighting for them.

Can we adopt them all? [WHACK!] Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have had that last cookie. I think the sugar is playing with my mind.

Please pray for us as we complete this phase of the program and continue on to the next. Our eyes have been opened by what we learned, but we are still committed to adoption.

Perspectives in Foster & Adoptive Parenting

Class 9! One more week to go. This was a short class, too. We focused on partnership building and teamwork skills.

We went through a lot of the options and resources that are available. And, reinforced again how everyone should work together with a common goal in mind...the needs of the child.

We learned about communication and the three main parts of communication. What I didn't know was the percentages of information that is passed by each part.

Verbal communication accounts for 7% of information
Paraverbal (Written and otherwise) 38%
Nonberbal (body language) 55% of communication.

Wow. And the body language is the first thing a child learns. I guess mom was right when she used to talk to me about posture and how you stand when you talk, etc.

We learned about concurrent planning, how you might have Plan A as the goal, but you also have Plans B-J on the burner in case something doesn't work out with the first one. We also talked about permanency planning.

The closer we get, the more real it becomes. The bigger the butterflies become and the more we start in on the "What if's".

Also, our case worker was there to observe for a while, and she asked if we would consider two girls for placement, instead of one. It seems there are a couple of sibling groups that need placement. Not sure if we want to do that one. Still thinking and praying about that one.

Our homework this week is quite lengthly. We have a lot of strengths and needs items to go over, as well as scenario items to work through. Next week is the last class.

I'm not sure if the class has been a positive or a negative experience. It has sure opened our eyes to society and problems. One can dwell on the horror of it all, or assimilate it and keep on the sunny side.

Praise God and put on the emotional flak jackets. We're goin' in!

Understanding The Impact of Fostering or Adopting

Getting ready to head out for Class 8 took a lot of preparation and soul-searching.

I have finally pin-pointed the problem I have with this series. It is written based on a secular society. There is only passing mention made to religion or spirituality. This is understandable since this is not a religious-based training.

However, there is a big hole in all the scenarios and lessons. The hill looks impossible to climb when you're on your own. But when you can lay the burden on God's shoulders, you can work it through together. I am not saying that "God will provide" should be your catch-phrase and reason for not trying, just that you have someone to call out to when you are at the end of your leash.

In Class 8, we working on dealing with the family as a system. I encountered, for the first time, a scenario where the birth children had issues with a foster child placed in their home. It was very eye-opening and left me at a loss. How do you handle a child who throws down the verbal gauntlet of "If you love me, you'll get rid of him/her!"?

The family system has five major characteristics: boundaries; rules; roles; power distribution among family members; and a communication process.

Do we have any three of these going on in our current family? Not too sure about that. Our boys are gung-ho at the thought of "getting" an older sister, but are they ready to deal with the baggage that might entail? We are lucky that we want a girl, since there will be no sharing of toys or rooms, etc. They should have their stuff and she will have hers.

However, this class forced us to focus on the energies that might pull us apart as a family and cause this whole process to fail. The one thing I'm counting on is our faith in God and his ability to work in hearts. As much as these scenarios throw a wrench at us, I am starting to feel like we can do this...now that we know what to expect.

Pray for us.

Where does time go?

I can't believe it's Thursday again and I've neglected the keyboard all week. Well, I've been sick. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Yesterday we had our official home visit from the case worker. She went over the criteria we choose last time she was here, to see if we had any changes since we started taking the classes. I'm not sure. Do I have the strength to do this?

Last Thursday's class we covered two classes worth of material, to make up for the rained out class the week before. the further we go in this endeavor, the more distressing it becomes. It is really heartbreaking to read some of the sample case studies and what these children go through at the hands of their parents. What are we doing to our children?

Ok, here is the updates of classes and topics discussed:

Class 5 - Helping Children Learn to Manage Behaviors

This subject is tough for us. There is the urge to punish, but you can't. Discipline! Punishment is "a behavior designed to stop a behavior." Discipline is " training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior."

Punishment is the quick and dirty way, but Discipline produces long-term results!

We worked through the differences between RISK and SAFETY in Foster Care. Risk is the likelihood of long-term harm or mistreatment, while Safety deals with immediate issues.

An example would be the situation with the FLDS church kids in Texas. Texas CPS pulled those kids when the compound was raided. However, there was no Safety issue to justify the removal. There are Risk issues, yes, but nothing that would justify immediate action. Although I would prefer they err on the side of caution instead of Arizona, which seems to have a habit of leaving kids in bad situations until they are dead.

Mainly, we dealt with safety and care in the foster setting, and how that should help mitigate some of the behavior patterns in the children, at least to an extent.

Class 6: Helping Children with Birth Family Connection

This module is a bit hard to describe. It deals with self-concept, connections, identity and culture.

We learned the definitions of identity, self-concept, Connections, Culture, Race and Ethnicity. We worked at identifying and understanding cultural needs as well as ways to manage problems with family visits. This whole module is focused on dealing with interactions between the child and birth family and what it might entail.

Class 7: Gains and Losses: Helping Children Leave Foster Care

This module has been the hardest for me personally. We talked about children leaving the Foster Care program, either through adoption, return to parents, or Age-ing out of the system.

Unfortunately, the points of this class were hammered home through case histories and interviews with case workers and children that the system failed. They are classic stories of society failing. I took from this reading an idea of what NOT to do in the future. It was also interesting that they took one girl's story and contrasted it with the case worker's report. Wow.

Foster Parents have a big roll in transitioning children out of Foster Care, and how we fill that roll makes a big difference in how the children will function.

The homework was to read a case study and then a letter written by a adoptive family to friends telling how an adoption fell apart.

Again, do I have the strength to go on with this? Can I see this through?